Gathering the Arrows of Aspiration: Praying for Discernment

"[The Archer] has, figuratively speaking, to dismount constantly from his white horse (the developed and purified personality) and find where the arrows of intuitional aspiration will take him;"

O Great Spirit....I come into your presence
Here midst those seeking to Be Open and transformed
by The Encounter with Spirit Energy of Christ Consciousness Power here.......

My journey has been an amazing one....and I do not want to get caught up in glamours.....

I realize this has been a year of finding the Arrows that brought me to this point......as I seek deeper and clearer discernment, clarity, and trust in the intuitive process.....

I need to share my arrows that
My vision, and inner ear may be cleansed,
my purpose made clean of emotional attachment that does not enhance my highest Good.........
And that My MoonBody Robe be strong enough to hold me in my own Centre where All Spirit Dwells.

The Beginnings…..RE~Viewing the Path that Brought me here ……

Letter to the Church
Reasons for Sabbatical, May 1998

felt called to leave Church 1999

In 1991 I was in the midst of an intense "intentional interim Ministry" in Ontario and I was asked to do the funeral for a neighbours' seventeen~year~old son. While I knew my neighbours by name, I did not KNOW them. My work, commuting and family took all the energy my introverted self could muster. It felt like hypocrisy that I would spend all my energy in ministry on a two church pastoral charge 40 minutes drive from my farm home, and yet knot have the energy left over to know my neighbours except in times of crisis. It was then that it seemed to hit me, that most of Jesus' ministry was outside the synagogue, with those on the fringe, rather than those already in the religious structure.

I read God hates Religion by Christopher Levan. I found myself being inwardly challenged at Ministry within the Church. Some of the quotes that really resonated with me were:

Linked with the institutional process of religion
are the vested interests of priests and other Church
officials. Salaries and living allowances are all
dependent on gathering people and their financial
resources into one place ….all too often they (financial
issues) are the only reason some church institutions
remain unchanged through the years. If money talks
in our culture, it's most consistent speech to religion
begins with a variation on the theme "play it safe"

Chris went on to point out that initially Jesus sent the 72 out two by two, and that they were to expect no money. Food, shelter, etc. was a gift from the preacher's host indicating that the person had understood that God's reign needed to be lived through the gift of hospitality. The missionaries were called to eat and sleep by trust, thus the prayer, "Give us this day our daily bread" was one a person prayed carefully.

Disciples were to live an egalitarian lifestyle "entering into towns a unknowns, without status, sharing what they had to offer. The very act of homelessness meant putting themselves at risk, leaving the protection of clan ties and community structures and living beyond the comfortable confines of Law and Order." This lack of having an established "churchy" home meant that both the disciples and the new converts were In need materially and Spiritually, the church" on the Way." Levan points out how this way of being in faith emphasized "theological incompleteness by living without the assurance of iron clad answers". Secondly missionaries had no time to set themselves up as a focal point of religious activities. This style of Spiritual communication quite clearly gives individuals the freedom and responsibility for their own faith." (p.55)

Chris went on to say "the original idea of Jesus of Nazareth was not to establish a New "Jesus Cult" so much as to disestablish the unhelpful approach to faith institutionalized in the religion of his day….it may be that the time has come to rejuvenate the Spiritual pilgrimage, the physical journey that embodies the movement of the Soul. Is this not a faithful response to the gospel's story of going out on the road? In an itinerant church, the resources are not wasted on buildings, but reserved for those we meet on the journey--the lost and the wounded."

I found myself being challenged as to how I was practicing ministry in the United Church of Canada. I felt uneasy because I did not feel I was living in a way that was true to the Spirit of Jesus' teaching by receiving a salary from the church.

The following year, I had the opportunity to take two continuing education courses with Tom Harper. In both courses and in his book For Christ's Sake, Tom tells the story of the spring that flows in the desert wilderness where travelers discover that this water not only "satisfies their thirst, but satisfied deeper needs as well. Somehow in drinking at the source they found their minds and bodies healed, their hopes and courage growing strong again. Life became rich with fresh meaning. They found they could pick up their various burdens and take to the way once more with new hearts. They called the spot "the Place of Living Waters" and the spring itself, "the Water of Life".

Generation after generation people tried to protect the spring by placing boulders of gratitude, bricking over the well and then "establishing a Special Caste of Men, With Special robes and a language all their own Who came into being to set rules for preserving the purity of the well. Access was no longer free to all, and disagreements as to who could drink there, and when and how, sometimes grew so bitter that wars were fought over them".

Now those who were in search of this water of life could not find it. Only certain people were allowed access. "From time to time strange men came in from the wilderness saying that those who guarded the ancient well should "repent" and tear away all the obstructions so that the masses might drink and be restored. Later they would be called prophets and honoured greatly in the Shrine. But at the moment of their protest they were rejected. Indeed many were put to death.

"And so in the end the vast majority of people who journeyed along the route avoided the now-sacred "place of living waters" and survived whatever way they could. Many, when they passed the shrine and recalled the stories they had learned in youth about the hidden spring were seized with nostalgia and longings too deep to utter. Others struggled on embittered by cynical doubt that the healing waters had ever existed. But sometimes in the night, when all the chanting and ceremonies were stilled, those few pilgrims who stole into the shrine to rest for a moment in some corner out of sight were sure they could hear an almost miraculous sound. From somewhere deep under the foundations of the great rock structure there came the faint echo of running water. and their eyes would brim with tears". (Prologue of For Christ's Sake, Tom Harper)

This reading has evoked in me a deep need to search out what it means to be someone called into "ordered ministry".

I am asking myself questions such as how much am I a part of status quo?

Am I truly free to Make or Live prophetic statements as I feel called?

How much does depending on Church politics and Church structures to give me economic security influence my call to live out my prophetic responsibility?

Is "the church" truly the only valid faith community available to sustain faith or has it become a place of obligation where I as a church member add unneeded burdens on the shoulders of others as I plead for "faithful loyalty and service"?

Has my own use of theological and faith jargon made my declaration of the Good News of Jesus Christ something only an exclusive group can understand?

How does the mainline church reach those in our community who have not had a church connection or who find the church an unsafe place to be?

How do I offer a ministry of reconciliation and new life to the unchurched?

I have an ongoing interest in the Ministry of Healing. This has led me to reading Caroline Myss' work. In her tape, Three Levels of Power (Sounds true publishing), she speaks of Tribal Power, Individual Power and Symbolic power and our need to master each. Tribal power is described as that group mind or group thought form that defines reality for us. She suggests that a person works and grows at the speed of the group and indeed healing moves in accordance with group norms and "rules". The tribe determines the proper channels for healing. In the area of Tribal power, the tribe decides what experiences are legitimate and which are not. At this time I feel called to distance myself from church Structures in order to clarify my own awareness of what is the truth that I truly KNOW and am TRANSFORMED by in Christ, and what tribal realities contribute to my unhealthy. I need to discern what of my institutionalization is Christ -Centred and what has become oppressive and spiritually crippling for me.

These questions deserve to be addressed in the form of a Sabbatical because I am questioning not only my own Behalf but also as one who was ordained to the ministry of Word, Sacrament and Pastoral Care. The Word has to do with Truth. I need to discern the TRUTH THAT I EMBODY by moving more into the level of personal power. I desire to communicate it in a non-jargon form if it is possible. To addre3ss the conflict of interest issue I have been experiencing in being prophetic with an institution that pays my salary, I feel it is necessary to find work that can support me financially. St Paul maintained his tent making vocation while doing his ministry and for years now I have felt the need to have an occupation that I can have while not in paid accountable ministry. In this age when ministers out number pastoral charges I consider myself practicing good stewardship. I am searching for ways to do ministry outside of an institutionalized structure to personally experiment with an alternative way of doing a prophetic and pastorally caring ministry.

….I do not want to permanently server myself from the United Church of Canada. I do need time to address the issues that have been evoked in me through Levan and Harper. As the church itself re-examines how it delivers the Good news I feel my questions and my journey embody the same spirit of exploration and discernment of how to be the church in the New millennium. Your prayers are always welcome as I face this challenging time of examining different way of expressing the ministry of Word, Sacrament and Pastoral Care.

**********************
2004
Mission Statement: Spiritual Purpose for Seeking and taking pictures of Portals to the Holy

"In that I have participated in violent relationships, and live in a world that has used violence and violating control in the Name of God, this journey I make is a Transformative journey. Every step I take I take to transform myself and the world's history of violence. Violence comes in dfferent forms: emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, energetic, verbal. Violence exists in our lack of integrity, our unkindness, our taking life for granted and our "not putting to right" that which we have violated. Violence exists where Grace is Scarce and the need for control is great. I want to walk and breathe a prayer for forgiveness and transformation for us all.

With every step I take, I pray that the Spirit of Shalom--the peace that is created by true righteousness, kindness, justice, compassion, trust, joy, and love for God, self and neighbor--Will infuse our universe. I pray that the planet, all living creatures and the whole communion of saints may offer up their prayers with me as I walk with the intention of increasing the universal vibration to one of Holy Shalom -- Wholly Peace. I pray that loving peace will replace fear.

I am called to walk for peace--to be a Peace Walker. I am being called to take this journey trusting in my own Sacred Self, Calling forth the Spirit of Shalom from the hearts of people, the animals and environment by trusting the Spirit to lead me to my daily bread and shelter. Like Jesus, Hildegaard, St. Theresa of Liseux and St. Francis I am being called to journey in faith, sharing the vision and intention with whoever crosses my path. I look forward to welcoming the companionship of anyone who wishes to join me for part of the Journey."

======================

And my Medicine Wheel Helpers I Invited in for the Journey
North....Jesus....CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS
NE.......Mary Magdalene...sacred bride....sacred feminine
E........AA Raphael...healing, pilgrimage, Companion and Staff
SE.......Hildegard de Bingen....Verdatis
S........St. Francis...Peace, Communing with Brothers and Sisters of Creation
SW.......St. Bridgit....Irish heritage & Tuatha de Danaan
W........St. Teresa Liseaux...of the Child Jesus...Wanted an Elevator to God be cause it was The SIMPLE WAY......
NW.......Quan Yin....Goddess of Compassion, and Patron saint to Parents who didn't give birth.....

Reflections on the Road Pilgrimage.....

As for reflections on yesterday's calamities….
(1) I had read about the challenges of the pilgrimage in Cousineau's book two days before. I found it strange, because the real challenge that emerges in retreat comes half way through in my silent Retreat Rhythm. I had told myself the big Challenges wouldn't be until July!!! Wrong!!! This, I learned is a pilgrimage not a retreat. Apparently they are two different things of which I am about to learn.

(2) The stuff I packed to "take care of myself" is too much. They are impeding the freedom and comfort and dare I say, the safety of my journey. I am learning even more deeply and thoroughly how I can thrive on very little "stuff". Deciding what will go will be a telling process. What I want to do is everything I let go in Stuff. I want to be a Sacrament of What I need to Let go of In my Life. Like what I think Ministry Should look like for me, ….wanting my family…parents and daughters to see the light that is in me and that I am growing to me….letting go of my need for forgiveness and what I understand as reconciliation with my Daughters. I need to let go of what I think a romantic and sexual relationship "Should Look Like." I guess that's a start!!!

(3) This journey needs to continue to have as little far range planning as I can because this is my Living Parable/Portal where I encounter the Holy….my Archetype for my Life. To have begun my pilgrimage with an over weight pack helped me "get the Depth of Reality of how much Non Essentials I carry in life. I have no lingering regret (other than feeling the inevitable pinch of financial loss) on lessening my load, because of the Healing and Insight that accompanies the process. It is the Way I can Identify deeply ingrained habits that are not for my well being. I am reminded of My Body being a Sacrament of Divine Guidance. ……………………….I am trembling with this Reality. The Journeying is the WAY of Healing and Transformation at a very Core level. All is Sacramental---Visible happenings of God's Invisible Grace and Healing in my life. I am blessed indeed to take this opportunity.

(4) My Journey is different from the Peace Pilgrims. I am to ask for what I need. Hitchiking is asking for a ride. One of the themes that came up for me when I emailed the stories around the masks is the strong Wise~Wild~ Woman of Compassion. That involves claiming My Power. Not just waiting to be given~~~ but asking in order that I can receive what I need. This will require a courageous humility from me. Yet in order to look after myself, that is what I think I hear the Spirit guiding me toward.

(A humming bird has buzzed me for the second time, I hear it, but haven't seen it yet.) (as i type this I hear JOY inviting me even in the midst of what appears to be work)

I remember reading an Alban Institute book on Power and its definition was "power is the ability to get what you want and need". Moving out of a submissive and martyr type of faith into one of Co-Creation with the Creator is the direction I want to go.

"Ask and you shall receive."…words that came with my first Real Encounter with the Sacred Presence, at 18 years old. My Time is Now.

I think its time to just Be……See…….& Listen

+++++++++++++++

Then I read the final bit of Cousineau's "Arrival" Chapter from the Art of Pilgrimage, about Offering. What do I have to offer. I didn't bring tobacco. To give away the things I need to unload doesn't seem appropriate. What do I have?....The shepherd boy syndrome. "Offering myself and my heart" just doesn't seem enough….and Offering for me as a thank you to do/be what??

The "longing" has been evoked.
Longing to do this Pilgrimage "right"……
Longing for more of the Holy…..
Longing for Purpose….

It's like a "reaching Prayer"….reaching for a Something that I don't even know or recognize yet.

**********************

On this Journey, great Spirit, we had a dialogue about my Three Temptations in life.......
"I hiked gently along the boardwalk of a fragile bog area. Then took a steep but not that strenuous hike up to a look out point that has an Awesome View. As I was going up my I was reminded of Jesus being tempted from the mountain top. When I arrived to the view I wondered what my temptations might be. As I sat and looked upon the glorious landscape before me the sun came out for the first time today….and with it's light unfolding my Temptations surfaced.

1. To give up on life, purpose, pilgrimage…myself

2. To cling to the belief that I don't have a place to fit in, belong or be part of a healthy Life of the planet.

3. That I won't dream BIG enough for my Heart and Purpose."

************
Arriving on the Island, June 24, 2004

On St. Jean the Baptiste day, the Finnish Solstice I arrived on an Island community, after being directed North in a dream hiking and hitchking. I landed in a Community whose name in Finnish means Harmony or "Place of the Chords", the name of the Island means "St. Columba's followers"....the original Utopian Settlement translated means "Land of Heros".

This Island was never settled by 1st nations although there is evidence to Ceremony being done here .....The Island isn't indigenous to the area, as it's a Glacier dump......there is mythology that "From the Ocean she emerged and to the Ocean She will submerge"....another that she was flushed out of the Nimkish River Valley. There is a legend of Mink trying to build a mountain on this Island out of the gravel of its nature, but giving up in disgust.

There are two Orca Whale rubbing beaches, one having a Shamanic Carved Pictograph still visible......

The Island has the shape of a Fetus.......

Islanders have a bird count twice a year, and I myself haven't seen birds like this since being at "Buffalo Lake" an ancient Alberta 1st nations holy place. Two weeks ago I learned that the Finnish creation Mythology involves Three Eggs........

The Utopia was the Brainchild of a Theolophist....Matti Kurrika and a joint leadership with a Social Marxist, A.B. Makela, both journalists who settled here in 1901. Finnish Coalminers who wanted to break out of the oppressiveness of their lives invited Matti Kurrika to develop a plan for them. They put out a call to any Finlander who wanted to find Freedom in a a Place of Refuge, and the government gave them this Island to try it on. A story of tailors, Artists, and journalists...the Finns are a cultured and educated people .... plunging themselves in Wilderness life, learning the Survival skills as they went.....

They had an amazing "covenant" to begin with .....Meaningful work more important than Wealth, Marriage without Church Sanctification, Equality of treatment between the sexes, a commitment to the well being of one another, Christianity without the Church AND Participating in the 1st Nation Mythology of their own roots by naming the community after one of its places, Kaleva....in fact a church didn't arrive here until 1960....around the same time as Finnish was no longer the dominant langauge in community, and the police making a presence......the year the 1st Nations were declared Leagaly as "Persons" in Canada.........

The "Utopian" Co-operative form of community didn't last long..Conflict came soon to a community that would be call it self Harmony....as though to sum up their dreams.......too much Intellect, not enough Emotional Body healing....and then a traumatic fire, that involved 5 children as well as some adults. Kurrika left with A.B.Makela's recorded words saying, "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make right what you have made wrong...."

A.B. Makela, burned in the fire, returned briefly to Finland then returned to the Island and became a kind of Chaplin to the Community...."The One Who Stayed".......some of his journalistic writings have been translated, and his style of writing tune's me into a Heart that is like my own........His theme through out was discovering a PLACE OF REFUGE....A SANCTUARY.......

"I'm enchanted with nature. I cannot break loose from it....who has once had a task of freedom is not willing to return to prison".....

"I for my part would never want perfection that didn't have room for improvement, that is possibility of progress. What meaning would human life have after that?"

And Since Guadalupe I am realizing that these guys WITH their Community, were DOING liberation theology at the turn of the 20th century
++++++
Within 24 hours, camping at one of the Rubbing Beaches I journaled these Words......

"I have a dream
and I have found my home.

How do I explain it. Deep within me is a shifting,a rooting, a profound sense of "I belong here".

I don't understand and yet there it is. I need to BE HERE.

Tears of release and relief,

Cleansing preparing the way......

Never before have I had this kind of Spiritual Sexual Consumation with a community and a land.

I need to talk to someone,
clear out the thoughts and ideas,
by letting them focus clearly
enough that they may
be incarnated.

I'm having a "Religious Experience".....

Holy One,
You called me to ministry and reassured me that the door would NEVER be closed. Help me dream big!!! Dream soooooobig. To find a home and portal to the Holy.

Body Spirit Connections.......
Ritual/Healing/Anointing
Emerging
Encounter
Discovery
Artistic Soul
Environmental Passion

Community vs institution/External structure

I have little idea of how it will happen....
I envision a home with many rooms.......healing room, office room, Dance room, Artist room.......places for solitary retreatants.......

Access for people and large groups of like minded/common visioned people to open the doors of their heart and soul
to connect with a Wholly Source,
Vast, Empty, Full,
That has no rules, fences, boundaries........

A place to dream dreams and have Visions....
A place & community where conflict is faced, acknowledged and wrestled with openly.

A place for people to deal with individual and Community Basics for evolving together.......
(it goes on in some detail)

And an 8 pt flower/cross visible through centre 4 petals
design for a healing/artistic/Spiritual set up......
[which as I'm typing this I'm seeing the 8 Pt star of the Lakoda's when they replaced the Ritual Buffalo Robe...the portal of the Milky way.....the Whale dreamers world......]
~~~~~~~~~
....I shared this journalling with an Islander a few weeks ago and she said..."That's the dream we Moved here for with the Orca Rubbing Beaches"...

++++++
Within 10 days of arriving I felt myself guided to rent a house and begin looking for work with the phrase: "Every Woman needs a Wife".....offering house cleaning, energetic work etc.....felt called to move here.....

I heard three phrases that really sang in my Chords.....

"IF you are called to this Island, You are Called to Heal"....

And No one goes Hungry or Homeless here.....

and "SISU"....what I was told was the Finnish spirit here meaning "Strength, Fortitude, Endurance".......

The day before I left to go back to my home before pilgrimage, I was herring fishing with a new friend, when all of a sudden I went deep into what felt like the roots of the Island in my consciousness....I "heard" the Island say: "I want you to stay here".....I was quite surprised to hear an Island's voice that strong and a such a sense of SENTIENCE........I replied, "I have no job or money....how will I survive"....And the Island responded, "I will look After you."

**********
The three weeks between arriving to my home in another province, I packed, gave away,... the first mover I found had a load going to a neighbouring Island so got incredibly cheap rates.....Had my 53 birthday celebration at a 40 year reunion with "Kids" that I played and went to school with as an Expat in southern Iran.....where I was sexually molested by the teacher at ages 10 & 11 until I found my voice to say no.....where I discovered Narnia amidst Eden's Energy still vibrating after all the violence....living where a Nomadic tribe camped every winter just before they settled and lost their wandering spirit with the WHITE MAN presence there....

A deep healing was initiated when one of my old School mates responded to my sharing with him my story With Shock and Outrage, not realizing that I had been a victim of a teacher that we had shared..........and another woman, who was just then starting to deal with the consequences of her own violations with the same teacher........

The first year on Island I continued with the "clearing" stuff as a job, but by June 05 my Chronic Fatigue had been reactivated and it took car accident to realize how tired I was, so I began to just learn how to live, and restore myself..

I began to take a look at why I was so exhausted when I realized I don't know how to just clean physically, I clean energetically, and the houses that I was cleaning had some really challenging energies to work with...

I'm a healer...I just clean with Healing intention...It wasn't until was fired with the words, "It's just so chaotic in here when you leave" that I had shifted her home out of HER DESIRED FREQUENCY..I didn't realize I was over stepping my bounds, I was just CLEANING.

I Continued to hear the stories of how people arrive here, where they arrived from....Getting to know those of the wave that came in the 70's...tree planters, hippies, and draft dodger, seeking refuge.......People here, have ARCHETYPAL presences....I have met ELEMENTAL spirits in people here like NEVER before, and I've been in a lot of edgy places in my time.....

The Island Itself Vibrates as a Power Place....I've lived and worked in Power places I know what they feel like....
Yew Trees grow here. There is one on my friends property that VIbrates with Dragon Star Energy....It's part of a Pair....one has been hit by lightening, and stands there, it's body housing Life within its Remants of Being.....POWERFUL POWERFUL as they stand as a portal to the North.......

On my 54 birthday I moved out of a 550 square foot Finnish home into the "PINK HOUSE"...I had been on the Island, walking streets because I didn't have a car, and had never seen the place until the following July....It was my Dream HOME....I heard it had been a REFUGE for many here on the Island, as they found there Real home/house to go to....It wasn't until the following July that I heard it was up for rent....The House felt like It had been built for me....the Grounds were EXACTLY what I liked....Two Sitka Spruce are the "Eagle trees", Three Plum trees that are the dryads of Faith hope and Love, AN Incredible Weeping Birch out my Kitchen Window that becomes the Burning Bush with each visible Sunset.........It was the first Advent I was Here, about now actually, that I heard the Words, '

"Learn to Live for Your Own Sake"...which I've concentrated on until this year......

Okay....so here's where I'm at...Let me find that elevator, God, to get to the core of what I need to review for Discernment........

The Sacred Story that is unfolding for me has the Sense of Sacred Play Therapy...Virginia Satir's play therapy as the Basis of Ceremony ....Unless I become as a little Child I cannot enter the Sacred Realm and LIVE THERE.........Allowing My Numinous Active Imagination, that is enhanced on this Island, to take me, In the Name of Christ Where I need to Go.........

I See this Island as a Visible Avalon....a feminine version of Iona, settled by another of Columba's disciples....I see this Island as some form of "FREQUENCY CHANGER RETREAT PLACE".....Where people come to work with resident Artists and teachers, and interact with the land before REgional Government completely shuts down the Sovereign Spirit that Still Vibrates here...........

My own training was in Interim Ministry....healing Wounded Spiritual communities that have gotten into destructive patterns........It involved reading the communities History ...patterns to determine it's Historical Spiritual Focus/so the Original Covenant Spirit can be honoured/addressed....Usually it's Vision needs to be dusted off to it's orignal Integrity...sometimes even the "intentions" and "vows" need to be renegotiated...negotiating Karmic choices on community level...In my own experience Apologies, Celebrations and Inclusion of ALL PRESENT and involved need to occur in Sacred Ceremony for the wounds to be healed....The wounds occuring in A Spiritually Founded Community Can ONLY Be healed in Spiritual Ceremony ......

In my time of Solitude I began to receive Attunements by the Light Workers.......One series on Avalon came in and I was Blown Away....My Spiritual Landscape of Archtypes seemed to take on a new energy, and Vitality.....Avalon, including the Goddesses Arianrhod, Branwen, & Cerrwiden........

I am a Woman Knight of Christ's Holy Grail, who was overburdened with Battle Fatigue on the Front lines.....
I has come to Avalon to Heal..
I have walked in my garden, or from one room to another and transversed multi dimensions of life Energies other than my own in ways I only dreamed possible.....

I've learned the masculine Ceremonies, now I need to Learn how to Use the Earth in Christ Consciousness...back to Sisterhood, being a woman rather than a function...My Eucharistic Prayer has become Seeing the Kingdom of God as Yeast in the Bread I bake, Me restoring me to wholeness as I feel the yeast grow bewteen the pieces of flour and bring life to the loaf........
.....
I have found Cerrwiden's Cauldren in My Computer as I set an Intention through the Aquarian Technology to reach the Light Consciousness I need to "see" for the task at hand

I experience Branwen in my being as I find all that I've learned in the Church takes on a whole new Power and Expansivness when an Island has Awakened to the Level of Consciousness this one has.....

The primary Spiritual Lesson I am Learning here is the EARTH HUMAN connection of SACRED SOVEREIGNTY....I identify Chakra's in the fetus shape Island......I have done Rituals in the Chakra's for my Own and the Island's Transformation....mostly by myself......sometimes with a Spiritual Healer Companion...
I understand the Leylines intuitively, and sense their reality...Receiving an attunement re: Sacred Locations, I realized that Scorpio in my 6th house makes Power Places necessary for my HEALTH...

I have been learning, through my Inner Guidance, How to Pray with the Earth in new Imaginative Ways that REsonate with Tales of Avalon..as well as the Christian Sacraments.....My own Irish Heritage and sense of BRIGIT growing more visible in the Way to Creatively Express my Spirit......

My Prayers are growing organically, blessing every moment of my day....savouring the Sacred Presence.

I also discovered that St. Francis was an energy in another woman's call to the an Island....Agnes of Fetlar....didn't hear about her until a woman on the Island loaned me the book....paralells were quite remarkable...especially the image of ANCHOR LIGHT

The community is facing a Major Spiritual Crisis in the Preservation of Its Spirit....I am learning how government rules in power places undermine the earth's connection to her self

I feel called to be here....I feel called to pray to save the house I am Renting....the House that the Refuge Builder, Light House Keeper, The One Who Stayed built....I have, in tandem with my own healing been healing with the sexual violations that occurred with Spiritual Leadership in the beginnings.....

I sense this Island attuned to Cancer......And it is the Cancer of My own Natal Chart that I need to transmute to shift into the Ascension Frequency I want to live at.......so I might as well make it useful while focusing on my own healing and own joy......

I feel called to Pray and make Ceremony with the EArth more than people right now, and I need more security in my food and shelter needs to do the best job I can.......

I hear a call for the Island Voice and Voices to be heard, and I am praying for guidance on how to pray and offer myself to that unfolding.

I am also being reborn....complete with new stars, I felt guided to make in a "new Natal chart" for myself.....
I have always been passing through in community...Ministerial Commodity always on Call, never there for the Joy of Self.....

My emerging into the community has been very gracious....I have been given until Feb 28th, to find income to continue to live here......I am discovering that SISU is a VITALITY of the Land and PEOPLE connection here....SISU, has been revealing my self and finding people connecting with me for My own sake, which is miraculous in itself....to be a Person and Not a Commodity for the Sake of the Spirit......

Great Spirit,.....I have left all behind to follow you....I am at a Financial Crisis.......I have no income, No Employment......my sensitivies are such, that I need a lot of solitude to do what ever it is I am to be about....

I am HEARING guidance to NOT GO TO WELFARE.....not out of priviledge....

but because I have gone, Like St. Francis, from a priviledge position and voice, and I am now on the invisible fringe...a crone who cannot relate in the white man world in Integrity any more.......the Biblical image of WIDOW keeps whispering in my consciousness....I need to turn to PEOPLE not INSTITUTIONS...like a silent boycott..

I do this in response to the Call of Libra to LIVE THE ECONOMIC REALITY OF WHERE WE FEEL THE PLAN....... I see the "PLAN" as including SACRED RELATIONSHIP in looking after the poor, and disabled.......and to my shock realize I am now one of the marginalized after being one of the most respected in community........And while I want to EARN A LIVING SOMEHOW, I want the RELATIONSHIP with people and the EARTH to be BEFORE the ECONOMICS.......

I have spent 3 years going through de programming from a life time of Institutional SERVICE....I have had to have a lot of strength to face myself as I begin to "SEE" what I have participated in ....

I felt called to invite the Community to Sanctuary in Silence in my Historical Yard for a Weekly meditation space every Friday and New Moon, since the Aries new Moon, to

"plant seeds of consciousness to nourish the Fruit of the Spirit"...after 10 years bereft of participating in worship/Group Ceremony.....
I found myself saying to a friend, enough of the Stations of the Cross, we need to focus on the Joy.....

And so, what has emerged, is Celebrating /with Trees of Life and the Fruit of the Spirit In the Pink House Yard Sanctuary,....I'm playing/praying with the trees....Prayer flags of Restorative Justice, Joy, Play, Reconciliation (Grandfather Cedar Carries that one), My three Plum Graces, Faith, Hope, And Love adorn the trees that encompass me in Verdatis Green, and pray with me for our planet....

And I'm feeling called to Nourish a Fairy Godmother presence in me....A magic that is filled with JOY, and SYNTHESIS, and TRANSFORMATION in the Highest Fequencies of Light....of Rays........that awaken's one to their Own Christ Potential in Being, finding some way to begin a Spirit school for children and their families.......

And to do all this I have to be rooted and grounded in the centre, holding Space first of all for myself, so that I can Hold the Centre without RESCUING...finding my own PERSONAL POWER AND MASTERY TO JUST BE PRESENT FIRST AND FOR MOST.

Very few have joined me....and yet having SENT THE INVITATION, Just HOLDING THE SPACE FOR THE LIGHT CONSCIOUSNESS OF THIS COMMUNITY SEEMS TO GROUND ME....GIVE ME CONNECTION TO PURPOSE....TO SERVICE...AND IT'S ALL INVISIBLE......

PRAY FOR ME... it is an outrageious, but Joy filled Healing potential in my Journey as I face the darkness of conditioned Fears and learn to Love myself into being....I do not want to make any religious trips .......I do not want to get caught up in the Glamour....

Because I feel led to Pray for the Miracle of the movie Bells of St. Marys...the falling down school to be replaced by the brand new building next door....well, as this Sanctuary house literally rots away, I want pray in this property as a Sanctuary for the Retreat/Healing Vocation this Island Is Called to and the finances to restore this home in Spiritual Integrity....And Look after me, because I've never been this alone before AND I'm just learning the Power of My Sacred Gift of Magic out here on my Island.

Dear God, Give Me Clarity around Survival....I am learning the Lessons of Abundance from "lady Poverty" of St. Francis, but let me not confuse over scrupulousness or false piety with the Leading of Your Spirit.....

I want only your will to unfold......I pray again the prayer that Has brought be through until now.....

Holy Creator,
I Abandon myself into your hands....
do with me what you will,
whatever may you do I thank You.

I am ready for all.

I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me and All your Creation.......

I ask no more than this o Lord.

Into your Hands I commend My Soul,

I offer it to you with all the Love of My heart,

For I love YOU GREAT SPRIT.

And I long to give myself to you

without reserve and with Boundless Confidence

for you are my Creator.